Picture Lewis and Clark as stars of a laugh-tracked 90s sitcom: Clark’s niece, a precocious kid from a Virginia tobacco farm, always getting into wild hijinks on the American frontier. President Jefferson promised wooly mammoths and damn it, she’s going to find them, so she ditches her companions and lives off the land: wild honey, boysenberries, rain-soaked chanterelles and peppered venison over an open fire.
One day she’s pelting Spanish troops with handfuls of graphite, the next she’s running from a bear while the Bennie Hill theme plays. And when our heroes finally catch up, they find her atop a tusked behemoth, that girl finally did it. All they can do is shrug and look at the camera.